So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
