You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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