I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
