we have officially mastered the walk of shame
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
