The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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