Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
