I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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