So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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