in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
