Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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