can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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