seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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