Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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