Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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