Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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