Where did you get a picture of my penis
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
