i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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