hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want her autograph on my taint
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
