So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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