I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
