I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
