yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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