I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I will be naked everywhere
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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