happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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