my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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