I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Houston, we have a squirter
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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