So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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