Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
