I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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