I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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