the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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