Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
