You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
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I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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