I wish my penis had an off switch
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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