i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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