What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
