38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
