just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
