There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
