i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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