then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
