it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wish there were birth control emojis
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
