Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
