New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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