And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
