So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
