Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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