I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
