Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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