Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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