Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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