Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
