your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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