I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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