That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
