Do you still have your period?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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