Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
