so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
