upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
