I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize