Me. At least after what I've been through.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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