You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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