Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
