Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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