a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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