You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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