We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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