Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We have so much sex to catch up on
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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